Starting my story....

Wow! The last month has been a whirlwind and now it's almost Thanksgiving, which will also be a whirlwind, but in a good family-whirlwind kind of way. Okay, I've overused the word "whirlwind", probably a English 101 no no. I'm claiming the exception-- usage for emphasis. But I digress....

What have I been so busy doing? Well, on top of the usual entree of work, chores, errands, appointments, and time with my hubby and stepdaughter, I managed to fit in my first ever Writer's Conference (through the group I joined recently), went to a 31 party hosted by my friend/"sister-in-law", attended weekly yoga classes, and took a re-imagining painting class (see earlier blog entry about re-imagining). Oh, and I started my novel/short story/whatever it turns into.

I've been brainstorming, outlining, plotting, character sketching, researching for a couple of months, and then avoided writing by doing a lot of reading. I rationalized it by telling myself I wasn't JUST reading. I was analyzing the books to see what flows, what makes characters appealing, what bores me, and read a range of genres-- and all of that is true and very helpful! But-- I kept ignoring the nagging voice that told me to simply sit down and write my story. I even read a book about how to use fear and anxiety to better your writing (The Courage to Write), but I couldn't fool myself for long. There is something terrifying about sitting down and staring at that blank page with a poised pen realizing, "I'm supposed to write." No more analyzing writing, discussing techniques at conferences, emailing fellow writers. This is it. My American Idol Performance.

I finally gave myself permission to write two pages of garbage. It's not very good, and I spent a week beating myself up about how horrid it was and that I'm not a real writer. Then this past weekend, I arranged my "reading nook" to be very cozy with good lighting (somehow relieved my anxiety to have that part perfect). I wrote two more pages, and this might sound odd, but I'm intrigued by my own characters and eager to see what happens to them. And a new character popped up out of nowhere! So I had a total of four hand written two sided pages, and I shouted in excitement to my husband, "I've started my novel!" It's only a skeleton, but it's on the page, instead of wandering around in my mind. Now my problem is that I have two other stories taking up that space in my mind and I"m not sure whether to put them on hold or start them....we'll see.