The Facebook Guilt Slap

You know these, right? This was the most recent one I've seen on Facebook , but there are numerous others that are all one in the same.

How do you feel after reading that?

Honestly.

I just read:

Guilt. Guilt. Do More. Guilt. You're not spending enough time with your kids. Guilt. Guilt. Appreciate them more. Guilt. Love the sh!tty days. Ignore those "touched out" jitters. Guilt.

I'm sure not everyone reads it like this, but I also can't be the only one. Your toddler has been incessantly whining for over an hour about needing a snack ten minutes after you cleaned up breakfast, the baby just had her third blow out diaper by 11 am and your husband texted you he will be home late from work. You've given yourself a five minute time-out from the toddler by hiding in the shower and this heartwarming gushy quote appears in your Facebook feed.

GUILT SLAP

Better step out from behind the shower curtain and embrace the whining.

Okay, bitter rant is over. I had a sh!tty day so I decided it was good timing to tear this quote and all the similar ones to pieces.

I get the sentiment.

I totally get that I'll blink and my snack monster will be 18 and want little to do with me. I do savor what I can. I try to take snapshots in my head. I have a notebook by my bed where I try to write the cute things she says and does that I would never remember otherwise. I put my phone down and SEE them. So don't guilt me. Don't imply it's not enough. I heap enough guilt on myself without any outside help.

What the author of this quote doesn't get is that these little people are a huge part of my world. And if I don't take care of myself or set boundaries, I get lost, frazzled, and I can't enjoy them at all. So I actually find these guilt messages a bit dangerous. Especially if it's read by a mother suffering from depression or anxiety.

What I have found as a mostly Stay At Home Mom is that if I don't set limits or take breaks, I savor less. When I do take breaks, I enjoy my time with them that much more. So no, I'm not going to let my child jump into bed with me. That's my space and I need my sleep. And get this-- if I do let her jump into bed, as the quote says, it won't make me savor and appreciate this time more. It detracts from it.

And embrace the hard days? That's asking too much. Do you embrace your hard days at your outside the home job? I certainly hope not. I see it as progress if I can roll with the rough days.

I get it that when you're older, your kids are older, and you're not sleep deprived or dealing with a major meltdown in the Target checkout, that you get nostalgic. And you have hindsight--that this small child period is--in the grand scheme of things--short. But don't tell me that when I'm in it--when I've had a week straight of crappy days--because it's only human to crave a chunk of time to yourself. For peace. It's okay to not feel quite as loving toward the child who has been testing you all day.  That was your entire world that day.

Whoever wrote that quote can gladly come and watch my kids while I savor a glass of wine on my deck in peace.

Signing off as the mama who is not embracing this exhausting day, but is bracing herself for the next day by savoring sleeping kids.