Here you see not only two crafts but two different parenting styles.
The one on the left I gave a lot of guidance, prompting, and helping. The one on the right, I shaped the paper plate for her, but after that I did a lot less intervening.
During the crafting of the first snow man I became aware of how much I was imposing. Part of this was out of excitement. Honestly, it makes me feel like a child again, since these skills have been dormant for over twenty years. I was eager to join in, see how it would turn out, and whether we could actually replicate what I had found online.
I held the paper while she cut out the scarf and I was prompting how to cut it in the "right" shape. I held the paper plate, while she put the glue on. She stuck the eyes where I pointed they "should" go. I had her put the glitter glue buttons on, but again, I guided where would be the "best" placement. I gave her a black maker to draw the mouth. We were doing it together.
I had given her the tasks that I knew she could do and I guided or did the rest so that it would look the way the craft is intended to look. We were both excited with how it turned out. And yet something was missing. I felt as though I had robbed her. It looked like it was "supposed" to and yet it wasn't fully hers. It didn't have her touch.
So with the second one, I instructed myself to back off. Not entirely, but much more so. To let her be and become more aware of my own impulses and feelings. I created the paper plate cone for her, but then I let her create. I prompted still with "what does the snow man need?" "What else might he need?" but otherwise she was on her own.
I found that I really enjoyed watching her create. His orange hat was changed to a face of sorts, although she called it a nose. She chose yellow all on her own to draw the mouth. She put lots of glue on each eye. I also let her decide when she was done. It was kept simpler, and that was okay.
I later wondered what she would have created if I had not demonstrated the "correct" one first.
Granted this is just a craft, but as a parent and what I've witnessed in other parents, we are so eager to show the "right" way in many scenarios. Of course, brushing teeth has a standard way that must be taught, but if it's something creative or when it comes to play, why do we still feel a need to intervene so much? Is it because this is what we were taught? Is it because we lost that true art of wild imagination and creativity since as children we were shown the one way of doing things? Even in play. Did we lose that ability from lack of use? Due to the brain being trained and socialized into doing things the "right" way. Perhaps creative solutions to problems are also completely lost as we become adults in the workplace, politicians attempting to fix a country, or as a researcher of cancer.
I hope to find a good balance. I still want to help her make the craft as it's been designed to look , but maybe she can first try it her own creative way. Or maybe I make one the intended way while simultaneously she makes one her way. There's also the balance to consider regarding her age. More assistance the younger the child is, but I've also noticed that when I intervene less, she's capable of more than what I expected.
As a side note, I realize a lot of days you just need to give yourself a pat on the back for managing to get the glue out and actually finding a clean piece of construction paper in between the kitchen timer going off and the baby fussing and the millions of other tasks a parent does in a day. But on occasion the stars do align and there's the luxury of sitting and being present with my child while doing a craft and these are things I like to observe and think about.
I also like to find very small ways in which to intervene less, especially with things where it doesn't really matter how something is done. For example, when she does her ballet DVD, I never correct or show her, even when she's not doing it "correctly." I have to make a conscious effort to be this way because it's a knee jerk reaction to automatically show her how.
I first came to learn this approach through RIE articles, particularly those by Janet Lansbury. She addresses an alternative approach to how we might interact with children and tackles several different challenging behaviors as well. Here's a sample article of hers about play and creativity:
http://www.janetlansbury.com/
Note: This in no way relates to or represents the Llama Llama children's books although we do adore the series and I personally can relate to Llama mama's stress!
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