Inner Demons

I think most writers have fought the battle. The internal battle. But I'd never thought much of it until now. I've been a practicing procrastinator for ten years and recently had the brilliant insight that I'd much rather be a writer than a procrastinator! However, there was a reason my procrastinator made himself at home- setting up his tent in my mental front yard. Annoying squatter!

I refer to them as my inner demons. Most everybody is familiar with them, but they seem to battle the most with Artists, or so that's my theory. These are the "voices", sometimes loud and sometimes faint that tell you you're not good enough, that your pride and joy piece of art actually sucks, that you're too slow, and that you aren't a "real" writer. (By the way what is a "real" writer? I have yet to met a fake writer!) These are the constant streams of thought, like a tape recording- running through your mind- sometimes without your awareness. These demons can be paralyzing and I have a sneaky suspicion, are largely responsible for writer's block.

So, as I'm making changes in my life, and starting to write again, I've found these demons resurfacing full force- willing to use biological warfare if needed.

I stare at a blank page.
"There's millions of writers out there. How can you even begin to compete?"
I start anyways.
"That sounds too professional, like you're at work. You've lost your creativity."
I sigh and try again.
"Your style needs adjusting. I'm bored of it."
I finish a page.
"What?!" it taunts. "You think you're the next Nora Roberts?"
That's it. I put it away and get a bowl of cookie dough ice cream.

Score 1 for the demons.
0 for me.
The problem? I BELIEVED those voices, demons, whatever you want to call them.

It was such a faint whisper, but a couple of weeks ago, right before joining GRRWG, I heard a refreshing new voice.
"Maybe you do have some potential as a writer."
It might not sound super positive, it's a bit tentative yet, but it felt like a flash of insight because I BELIEVED that statement.

I still have bad days and battle my inner demons. I still eat ice cream. But I also have a new belief to hold onto and the murmurs of positivity are growing louder, which breeds hope and self confidence. And of course it helps that I'm doing what I love!